Everyday Feels

Good Guilt

Before I begin this confession, I hope that all of you will give me a chance to explain my perspective before pinning any judgment on my affairs. Read this post until the end. Trust me, this time skipping ahead won’t do you any good. It doesn’t do me any justice either. Let’s begin my story.

He is what I dream of before I sleep, before I wake. In my dreams, I see him in that café across the street, that froyo shop I like most and even in those lovely restaurants my fiancé brings me to. I go head over heels for him sometimes, when I feel I need a chance or when I feel guilty. For weeks I feel like he knows me; what I like, which part of him that really reels me in and keeps me asking for more. His lips feel buttery against mine, an almost raw taste that keeps our kiss refreshing almost every time we meet. Those cracks and crevices on the surface of his lips helps me savour the moment, as I trace my tongue against them. Sometimes, he forgets to freshen up with a spearmint or two and I secretly enjoy having to know what he last had for lunch. He likes cheese, blue cheese particularly. Occasionally, I know when he’s in the mood for something more fancy from the tiny bits of cranberries stuck between his teeth as we go French.

He fills me not in a way that makes me gag after a heavy lunch. Truth be told, sometimes even when I think I’ve had enough, I keep coming for more. It’s not just how he feeds my needs, my hungers and my desires but how he satisfies me emotionally when I need something so hopeful, motivational and “right” to associate myself with in order to get on with the mundane day. Often, I find myself inviting him over for dinner as he seems to enjoy the shows that I am currently obsessed with. There’s nothing there for a girl like me to deny myself some good company with common grounds and opinions worth exchanging.

I hate it when I see him in the arms of another woman. Their mouths stuck to his like how I like mine on his too. Their tongues lapping out his juices. And their throats, deep enough to have all of him. I’ll just leave this at that. It pains me, it almost burns me at times. I always have this ball in my chest, pushing against me and my will to grab him out of that woman’s hands. When I’m enraged, I imagine myself striking a fork to his torso, and more.

I know my fiancé hates him. He says he’s “allergic” to “people” like him. It’s sad. But, I try. I always make an effort to be honest. Sometimes, I do admit that I enjoy showing him off to my fiancé because matter of fact, he is good for me, for us. I know it’s hard for my fiancé to ever accept him. Frankly, it’s alright. Time will tell it all.

I have to say. This feels wrong. I shouldn’t be having such deep feelings for him. It’s almost like cheating but I checked with my fiancé and he’s perfectly fine with this new relationship I have. I’m glad he’s not a competition. I want to keep them both in my life, now and forever.

Don’t judge me just yet because one day, when you find something beautiful like this you will be in the same position as I am. You want to deny your feelings but you can’t. When the heart mixes with the head, there’s no turning back now. You know he’s good for you and you don’t want to let go of something so precious that makes you feel refreshed and clear-gutted.

What’s done is done. I love this thing I have with him now. My new beau is a healthy addition to my relationship, no doubt.

 

I guess it’s time to introduce him to the world, before someone else tells it for me.

 

 

 

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Everyone, meet Caesar, my lovely egg salad. Caesar, everyone.

 

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Fashion Fixations

Powder Blue Craze

lana del rey

 

I’ve always loved this color on clothes. It has a calming effect on me. Once I wore this to work and my senior just loved it because the colour was apparently as calming to her as it was to me. It’s also really gentle, demure yet elegant. I wouldn’t pair these with Birkenstocks to be honest, not a very big fan of these pairs. But the editor definitely nailed the color of the footwear for sure; it has got to be either white or nude!

The bag oh dear Lord, I am obsessed with bags and shoes. That’s an important fact. This darling little treasure that’s minimalistic and beautiful all the same is in a matching powder blue – oh parfait!


Topshop dress
32 SGD – topshop.com

Birkenstock strap sandals
115 SGD – asos.com

Balenciaga genuine leather tote
1,810 SGD – net-a-porter.com

Gogo Philip plastic jewelry
41 SGD – yoox.com

Sia artificial flower bouquet
36 SGD – selfridges.com

ETIVAL Blanc
2.25 SGD – e-mages.eu
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Everyday Feels

Resurrected

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The time to resurrect my blog has arrived. This calls for a celebration! Let’s bring in the champagne and toast to my mildly revamped rant site! (jk, it’s haraam). Truth be told I’m celebrating with my study notes out. So God help me.

It’s been a long while since I posted. I was set back by an incident that clearly required me to change my url and username. Also, I decided to remove the school component in my blog. So, whatever that my past readers have read about my school or attachments are gone. I burnt them to the ground. Nah, I just permanently deleted the posts for a very good reason – which wouldn’t be revealed because I’m not very keen to speak about something that I firstly, can’t and secondly, don’t agree on 100%.

So it’s a fresh new start here. Deleted a couple of categories or posts for my own sake and safety. Still kept most of my memorable rants here though.

I decided to add a few more categories which I find irresistable not to share on. I’ll start posting these in times to come.

Although what I said may be vague and possibly a tad bit confusing, but I sure hope that you people out there would get my hint and follow suit. For there are some things that are bigger than you, and they know that but they seem to think it’s still okay to shun those who speak their minds in truth and all fairness. May God be the judge of us all.

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Mood

Faded – Alan Walker

Listen to ”Faded” on Spotify: http://bit.ly/faded_spotify
Listen to ”Faded” via other plattforms: https://AlanWalker.lnk.to/faded

Facebook: http://bit.ly/AlanWalker_Facebook
Instagram: http://bit.ly/AlanWalker_Instagram
Twitter: http://bit.ly/AlanWalker_Twitter

Vocalist: Iselin Solheim
Video Location: Tallinn, Estonia
Video produced by: Bror Bror
Directors: Rikkard & Tobias Häggbom
D.O.P: Rikkard Häggbom
Edit and grading: Bror Bror
Actor: Shahab Salehi

© 2015 Alan Walker & MER Musikk
℗ 2015 Sony Music Entertainment Sweden AB

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Everyday Feels, Music/Covers

King – Years & Years Acoustic Cover

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It’s been a super long time since I did a cover. So this was like some warm up song for my rusty vocal chords that haven’t been used in a while. Alhamdulillah, many great things have been coming my way recently and that’s why I’ve been so busy even through these 3 weeks of vacation. Today’s my final rest day before school starts and I thought hey, why not do a cover since no one’s home and I’ve been wanting to.

For all you Years & Years fans or EDM lovers out there, this is a watered down version of ‘King’ 🙂

https://soundcloud.com/hazwani-gates/king-years-years-acoustic-cover-17416-200-pm

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Everyday Feels

Paint Job: Day 1

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Spent half my day till 7-ish just layering primer over the walls of my future parents-in-law’s new house! It was fun but more importantly, I decided to help and tag along with them buying their front door, front gate, toilet door, getting painting tools & supplies etc because I feel that they are comfortable with me around and that they are aging and they need more hands on deck.

I was actually sick yesterday, caught a flu bug of some sort and came home yesterday running a slight fever. I was so weak to the point that I just fell asleep on my bed the minute I reached my room, without even thinking of removing my makeup and clothes. I think I napped/slept for almost an hour and woke up feeling so chilled to the bones. My body was quite warm too and my throat was so inflamed it was so hard to swallow my saliva. In an attempt to psych myself and refuse giving in to the symptoms of this illness that I caught on, I decided to chow down lots of food to feed my WBCs so that it can gain strength in nutrient count to fight this illness! Oh, the theories of a sick person can be ridiculous sometimes. Whatever that I ate, which I ate solely for making myself happy and motivated to recover (a plate of noodles with extra meat, a sandwich, crackers, ice cream for dinner) helped! Of course with paracetamol and anti-inflammatory pills coursing through my veins while I float around dreamland, I woke up feeling much better albeit the still inflamed throat.

Back from the digression… I painted for around 5 hours straight without taking a break! I’m quite surprised too by my endurance through the sweat and lactic acid build-up in my dominant arm mostly. I think I might have emerged as the most productive among them all 😛  Maybe, this is God telling me that I can make it through marathons and that I’m just purely lazy to run cos I hate running and I doubt anything will change that fact hahaha. As if I’ll ever be into marathons! (sorry my fellow friends who are hardcore or aspiring marathon-ers) Ok I think that’s enough of self-praise for… ever hahahaha

On a side note, I’m gloating a little in my tiny heart and actually feel really touched that he constantly reminded me to drink up/hydrate myself because he knew I was recovering and still suffering from a terrible tight and sore throat that hurts when it’s dry 😊 Also, he made me wear his work goggles to protect my sensitive eyes and of course my contact lenses (how can I live without that). Funny thing, soon after, I had some blurry vision issues and I honestly thought it was just some paint smears that got rubbed off my gloves. I spent a good 5 mins wiping my goggles lenses with the back of my hand. As it turns out, my apparently long lashes (didn’t think they were actually that long) was smearing its mascara coat on the inside of the goggles with each blink! Gee, didn’t expect my brain to lack normal cognitive function when I’m sick!

I think very would be a tad bit of an understatement for this but I’m very touched by his parents’ kind gesture to give me/us the bigger room. I mean it’s quite a fair bit of time until I move in with them (you guys already know why I’m not living with my parents after I’m married even though I have a room all to myself now), give and take 1 or 2 years tops? In all honesty, I appreciate their intentions and kind heartedness but I didn’t think that this would be real. I was told this a few months back, but now that the new house has been physically acquired and I was there myself when they went for the final house viewing before the official handover of house keys, shit is real. They really want us to have the larger room (not the master bedroom and this house has 4 bedrooms). I can’t even. I feel so bad but so touched :’) Dear Allah, please provide these 2 kind souls a home in jannah for they have put others (their children’s needs, wants and happiness) before theirs even though they really didn’t have to.

Sorry for any grammatical errors, the lack of better sentence structuring and inadequate linguistic stylizations in this post because I’m too exhausted to vet through my commentaries today, what with the physically draining activities I was engaged in and my inadvertent and rather unfortunate dip in my health. I just want to share my thoughts while the flow is still relatively smooth and uninterrupted before I slowly lose bits and pieces of today’s happenings like a withering flower.

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