In this world, between those that you know and those that you follow, there still lives amongst us people who struggle to discern between trying to understand someone else’s circumstantial life and being sensitive or respectful even when you can’t understand a smidge of it. I think it’s actually honesty that maintains the necessary balance in a conversation that involves a life struggle. It’s much easier if someone truthfully admits that they don’t and can never understand how you feel and what you have gone through; that is possibly one of the most respectful actions, and if you’re having a deep conversation so much so that someone is opening up their vulnerabilities to you, you owe it to them to be honest and sincere in trying to help them, even if that just means you sit there and listen for a while.
But for most people, they would rather pretend to understand and claim to be that ‘been-there-done-there bitch’ when they’re actually just disagreeing with how you feel, judging your life and criticising your thoughts when they have not once been in your shoes. They think that they could fool those who are opening up to them; yes you may but you can’t fool them all the time. For us to be in a situation where we feel so trapped, bleak and helpless, wouldn’t you think we would have done everything in our power to change our fates and our circumstances? Haven’t you heard that “desperate times call for desperate measures”? You didn’t think of that, did you? That’s because you weren’t desperate enough to want to change your circumstances, simply because you weren’t even trapped in those circumstances, ever.
Please don’t pretend to be that person who has successfully eased out of that struggle when you can hardly understand the struggle or the significance of it to someone’s emotional and mental health to begin with, much less give generic comments and solutions that even a desperate person would see it as illogical. You have your personal struggles, and it’s fabulous that you were lucky enough to be able to pull through out of your many struggles in one piece, mind and body intact. But for some people, they dream of it every day, believing it that they can and yet, they’re still waiting on that day or that opportunity to pluck themselves out of the situation. Everyone knows how difficult reality is, even the most insane and unstable minds know that escapism is an alternative to reality. Escaping something that brings you discomfort and depression is surely the top solution. Of course, everyone would have thought of escaping their struggles in a split second, if they could. We don’t need another voice to add on to the millions of voices in our heads telling us to run the fuck out of this place and this terribly upsetting situation right this minute.
If you can’t be the problem-solver, it’s okay, because we appreciate you just being the sunshine on our cloudy day instead of pretending like you can be the problem-solver.